Things that have come out of my mouth

"Don't murder each other while I'm in the basement."

"You're a whiny little baby." (To Kylie, after she said there were no options for snacks, and I loudly counted to her 16 snack options)

"She's going to burn this place down."

Child: "But I love it." 
Me: "I don't care. Move" (about the chair she was sitting in )


"Stop smothering Sophie with a pillow, it freaks me out."

There were many more I didn't remember to write down. Please, add your own in the comments! 

Inspired by Brian Regan, especially around the 3:30 point of this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVfAZTFxa0Y&list=PL83B5066A144601ED&index=5

And some sister shots, just to complete my week: 

The best bribe/babysitter around: Television! 

Waiting to get out of timeout.